my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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