hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
