im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Couch. On fire.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
