So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
