ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
