I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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