the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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