I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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