Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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