Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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