Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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