Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
