My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
