I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
