I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize