i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
