im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
