I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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