I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
