hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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