just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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