I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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