I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
