My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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