the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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