Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My cat gives me a boner
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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