You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
