I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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