Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
