I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
