Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just threw up on my dentist
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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