I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
