Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
