i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Come share oat with me in your robe
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
