just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
