OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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