Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
