Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
