Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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