did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How naked do you want me to be?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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