i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
