the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you win again, gameday.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
