I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
