Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
