When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didn't notice because vodka
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
