Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
