I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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