it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
