forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
