So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm always down for nudity.
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