Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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