In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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