the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize