you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
