All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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