did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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