I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
