It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
