I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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