It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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