Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize