Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Randomize
