i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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