Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
