Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
