I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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