Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
another moral hangover. fuck.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
