I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
