I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
