You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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