just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
