I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ketchup is God's man juice
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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