i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
