She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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