i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am available for nakedness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
