Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
then he tried to convert me to islam
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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