I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
