life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
