Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
