My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
