omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
