he puts the penis in happiness.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
