he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
