Duck Duck Cougar?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
